This is what it’s all about.

That was the best episode I’ve seen in years. Not one actor dropped the ball - it was fantastic, and truly moving. Even though it was dark, and heart-wrenching (not what you expect from B&B) it was classic soap. B&B really is on top of its game right now and if there are any more episodes with the quality of Monday's show, we're in for a treat.

It was awful to see Storm go (shooting himself, no less), but it was a great exit for the actor and his actions were pretty heroic (dying so his sister could have his heart). The flashbacks worked too - those childhood scenes just before he took his own life were an effective addition. And, I'm no fan of slo-mo sequences usually, but Brooke's "dash" to the room where Storm was right after the gunshot worked amazingly well. Katherine Kelly Lang doesn't need to worry about next year's Emmy reel - her acting has been amazing, and the rest of the cast have been bringing home the bacon too. Who knew Jennifer Gareis had it in her?

Episodes like this remind me why I sit through ping-pong Brooke's endless waffling over Ridge and Nick. I hope B&B can keep it up, and not revert to type (i.e. the never-ending love triangles).

In summation: it was great. Wow.

Off topic: The Young and the Restless.

It's B&B's sister soap. Indulge me.

Victor and Sabrina? FFS. Bleurgh. Yucky yucky yuck. Puke. "Now she's friends with your grandfather too," said Victoria to that little turd Noah. Friends with benefits. Urgh. And make them stop speaking French to each other, it increases my nausea.

Devon says Lily "hasn't changed." Did he miss the recast and un-recast? She's changed plenty, and this incarnation is boring me to tears.

What was hanging off Sharon's shoulder - an excess piece of fabric? Nice, Sharon, real nice. And she works at Restless Style magazine/online magazine? Whatever. Her hair annoys me a bit too. Mostly, I love me some Shazza though.

I hate that Victoria and JT have their own theme song. Aaaaand, wouldn't you know it, it's every bit as tedious as they are.

Maybe it's the early onset of dementia, but I actually enjoyed Sabrina and Adam's scene together. Otherwise, I could happily push either off a cliff.

Amber and Daniel are smoking hot. Wow. Just, wow. That's soapy goodness.

OH MY GOD, HE SHOT KATIE.

What a damn fool, taking a gun around with him. "I shot Katie. I shot my baby sister."

I like it when a 40-something woman goes to her sister's deathbed in a mini-skirt. Sorry, that did make me laugh, but actually there were some emotional scenes there - Brooke, Bridget, Nick, Storm, even Donna had me on on the edge of my seat in their distress.

Woah, Katie needs a heart transplant. Bridget was desperate to locate a suitable donor. Brooke was not willing to give up on Katie. God, that was good stuff. The crying really got me; kudos Logan ladies. I wish they would stop fiddling with Katie's hair net though.

PS Heather Tom's Katie rocks, she really can act.

PPS Budge is back. Yay. Now give her a storyline that doesn't involve Nick treating her like crap.

"I'm not a violent man."

Jesus H. Christ, then put the gun away, Storm. "I just wanted to show you this." A gun? Freakazoid.

"Welcome home, Jack."

Gosh, that was cheesy. I don't think Taylor has hired help - she's going to have to hoover up all that glitter. Really Rick, that was thoughtless. I'm not sure he's in his right mind at the moment - they didn't even do the do yet! Holy cow. And Taylor admitting, "I can't deny I do enjoy watching [Brooke] squirm." Ew, because you're fondling her son?!

I swear Taylor referred to Thomas as Toe-mas. Has she been drinking again?!

Doggy Funeral.

Thorne's accusation was damning: "You threw enough pastries to kill a horse."

"For the last time, the vet said it was his heart." So, Donna isn't a lemon bar canine killer. Phew.

Taylor got da baby.

Yay.

"You won, and now you can let Rick go." Huh? I don't think those two things have anything to do with each other, Brooke. If they do, I'll vomit. "Taylor, if you have any decency at all, you will not marry my son." Brooke, if you had any decency at all, you would not have had an affair with your son-in-law AND HAD HIS BABY! Really, this morally superior talk from Brooke about Taylor is just stupid, stop it.

"An eye for an eye, a son for a son."

Give me a f^cking break, Brooke, Taylor is not a "sick, sick woman."

"Are you having sex with my son?" No, Brooke, but she might soon.

"Mentally unhinged."

That's a bit rich, Brooke. Stop bitching on Taylor after all the crap you've pulled. Ugh, as a long-time Brooke fan it hurts me to watch what's become of her. It's grim. She has to get her shit together and connect with someone that's not Ridge or (though it pains me to say it) Nick. Both relationships are irredemably solied. As Brooke herself might say, "stop it, stop it, stop it."

"I'm not your dear, you old bitch."

Donna and Pam = funny. Donna's been getting some good, campy lines: "I don't know whether to laugh at you or call security." So has Pam: "I never knew what it was to be loved before him." She was talking about her dead dog, Tiny, of course.

I love Taylor's swivel chair. I want one.

She should run Brooke over in it. It would be sooo cool. Imagine, "give me back my baby, Brooke, or so help me God, I'll get in my wheelie chair and knock you down like a skittle."

"You bitch."

Ingenious.

If Rick wants to go swimming, does that mean he spends the entire episode half-dressed? It does? He had quite a lot of scenes too, didn't he? Just saying.

Where the effing hell is Bridget?

Honestly, they make her look as dumb as a box of rocks. She vows to hang onto Nick and Jack, whatever happens. She stands there chattering away to herself like a psychotic stalker, "I won't lose him to anyone, especially not you," and then she... what? Did she fall asleep somewhere? Is she at work? Does she have amnesia?

With Katie chewing his ear off, Brooke with her baby momma agenda and Taylor with her baby momma agenda, Nick has got plenty to keep him occupied. Bridget needs to come out of the woodwork and see just what is going on. If she opened her eyes for once, she might see that he is one Seaman she can do without.

Lemon bars.

Did she say they were sugar free? I really want the recipe... at least, I did till I saw what they did to Tiny, RIP.

Diddums. Nobody takes Nick's feelings into account.

Taylor didn't leave him on a whim, she did so because Nick told her he was still in love with Brooke. SO WHY SHOULD TAYLOR TAKE HIS FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT?! Yeah, it sure hit him hard when Taylor left - he barely had time to snog Brooke, bed Bridget and kiss Katie. Poor guy.

Nick and Brooke were my faves... how did it descend to this?! Boo.

As for Brooke's opinion of Taylor's psychiatric assessment: "she is carrying on with my son, does that strike either one of you as a sane thing to do?" Hmm, let me see - slightly more sane than stealing your daughter's husbands and giving birth to your son-in-law's kid. Maybe that's just me. "Taylor's only doing it because of her anger for me." You think, Brooke? You think? Well, actually, maybe a little: did Rick and Taylor actually say the effect their relationship was having on Brooke was part of the attraction?! "Can we honestly say that the way we feel about each other has nothing to do with my mother?" Urgh! Ew, ew. These people are oddballs.

"It's like you have a radar or something."

Wowzers, what's got into Katie?! She was sitting there looking bored out of her brain listening to Brooke's latest woes, slouched down, popping pistachios in her mouth. Maybe she overheard Brooke tell Nick, "pistachios in the morning, that's really gross." It ain't that bad - sometimes I have cold pizza. I wonder what Brooke would make of that. Totally gross, maybe.

Katie's starting to look determined in her flirtations with Nick: "I'm impressed by you. I'm very impressed." Well, I'm not - he's about to dump on Bridget yet again. Suddenly, I don't feel so sorry for him being rejected by ping-pong Brooke.

Twinkletoes the nutjob.

I'm glad Ashley refused to dance with Storm in the restaurant - it would've looked odd. Was there even music? Let's have a steak and then dance in the restaurant. Wouldn't people look at them funny? I certainly would.

Ridge was on hand to play the smug jerk... um, I mean hero, and warn Ashley: "You need to be careful."

Ashley is no fool: "Well, apparently so if he shot your mother."

It's a shame TPTB are turning Storm into a fruitloop - they could've used him a lot more, he had potential. This show needs more men. The women of B&B will be left with a choice of Ridge, Rick, Nick or the horny old goat Eric. And three of those need to be fumigated before being let out in public.

My Two Moms.

"You, Nick and Taylor are all his parents."

As if that weren't bad enough, now we have Mommy #3 - Bridget - talking about taking the lil' one to Mommy and Me classes. She did say that, right? Was that really weird or what? First she's giving Jack her dead baby's blanket, and now she's planning Mommy and Me classes?! Oh, Budge. It hurts to watch, it really does. Maybe she'll get a clue soon, like when Nick continues his monkey business with Katie and hangs Bridget out to dry, which he will. Pig. She needs to lay into him like she did to her mother a few weeks ago. Now that was sweet.

Rick and Taylor, and baby makes three?

So I'm starting to really like these two together, although it was weird seeing them with baby Jack. I'm not sure I can picture a long-term family dynamic between them, but they're fun to watch for now - especially when they piss Brooke off. I nearly wet myself when Brooke was screaching "stop it, STOP IT" the other week. Now she's determined to break up their relationship and is holding Jack over Taylor's head (metaphorically speaking).

Taylor (snivelling, grabbing Brooke): "I need my son."
Brooke (pulling free of Taylor's grasp): "Not until you unhand mine. I'll see you in court."

Yikes. And did she really need to remind Taylor the baby has "my blood running through his veins." Double yikes - that boy is gonna be a tramp. (Oh, I do like Brooke, she's just... trampy sometimes. Like Taylor said - Brooke slept with both of her daughter's husbands.)

"I used to hold you in the highest regard," said Brooke. Oh yeah? Like, when you tried to steal her husbands?! Or when you tried to conceal the fact that she was pregnant by Ridge?! Or when you tried to conceal the fact that she wasn't dead?! Or when you ran to jump on Nick even though he'd just married Taylor?! Or when you wanted to get pregnant by him and steal him away?! That kind of high regard? I see.

I took the afternoon off and rushed over to jump in your bed. Yes, the same bed my mother straddled you in.

Poor Budge. Will she ever learn? Nick has left her high and dry one too many times. He’s a pig to her. As soon as he’d finished his tonguing session with Katie, in walks Bridget. And wasn’t she being forward – telling him to come upstairs (to the bedroom) in front of her aunt? Actually, that was a little gross. At least Nick kept it zipped, but he should have broken it off with Bridget once and for all, rather than stringing her along some more. She needs to lay down the law to Nick, and if he can’t commit, she should spilt.

Continuity note: if Budge had arranged for someone to cover her shifts in order to get down to it with Nick, why did she all of a sudden have to leave? Maybe because Nick wasn’t giving it up?!

The C Word.

Yes, it’s offensive. Yes, it made me heave. It’s a word that should never be featured on B&B ever again: CONSTANTINE. Sweet baby Jesus, wasn’t last summer torture enough?! When Phoebe said she’d been invited to tour with Constantine my heart skipped a beat. I thought they were bringing back the straggly haired fool. Thankfully, it looks like the Phoebe and Constantine show will happen off-screen. Result!

Previously on The Bold and the Beautiful...

I've been away, hence my lack of posts (not that anyone is reading... yet!). Despite being in Africa (it was nice, thanks for asking) I still had the chance to catch B&B - I saw an ad for "Soapies at 6" on SABC1; I thought... could it be?! It was - B&B! Unfortunately, it was a year and half old, dating back to the rather tedious Thorne and Taylor romance. It was the week of the wedding-that-never-was, owing to the demonic/Eastern European-sounding Ali, who scribbled on Taylor's photo and cut up her wedding dress. Oh dear. She should also have written I need acting lessons with her crayons. At least some sparks flew in Taylor's scenes with Nick, but we know how that ended :(

Jackie was still having headaches (what happened to those?!) and Pammy was still taking her medication and dressing like a 50's housewife. How times have changed - now she's tormenting Donna and eating teabags. Dems tasty teabags, fersure.

Anyway, my point is I had a little B&B entertainment to tide me over, but I'm going to jump back into the thick of things today by watching a week's worth of episodes and offering up my thoughts/wisdom/innane drivel soon, if it doesn't send me catatonic (not too many Phoebe scenes, please).

Melodrama: oh my God he tried to kill my mother.

Poor Ashley. D'you think Storm might be dangerous?

"Whoever he's with now is in danger! Is in danger! Is in danger!" [repeat to fade]

Okay, I get it.

I was going to do some work, but my clothes fell off again.

"I know what you're doing," said Brooke, ready to lay down the law to Ashley.

"You know that I'm extracting an essential oil by evaporating the organic solvent? Who told you that?" Now that was funny. Ashley's quips were coming thick and fast on Tuesday, as Brooke tried to warn her off Ridge. "Pick a man, any man," said Ashley. I've got to agree - BROOKE, JUST PICK ONE. Do it! Yes, even if it's Ridge. Ashley getting pissy with Brooke is entertaining, even if the prize pig is hardly worth fighting over.

Brooke, dear dear Brooke, you know you're my favourite, so why do TPTB make it so hard to like you? Did you really need to strip in front of Ridge in his office? If in doubt, strip and straddle, that's the Brooke Logan way. Please, Brooke, no. Just... no. And then Ridge walks off and leaves her with her butt half-out, as he needs to get to a meeting (with Ashley of course).

Then things got stranger: what the hell did Storm think when he walked in and found his sister, Brooke, in her underwear? Huh? He didn't mention it! Did I miss something? Does he often walk in on her half-dressed at work? And another thing - isn't he a criminal lawyer?! So why is he handling corporate law?! The siblings (one a semi-naked siren, the other a handsome attempted murderer) chatted while she put her dress on, neither one mentioning it. Well, at least Storm didn't catch an eyeful of Ridge and Brooke doing the do on the carpet. (About that carpet, I hope Shane's blood hasn't left any unsightly marks.) Really, that would be nasty. The last time I saw a Brooke and Ridge love scene it made my eyes bleed.

"She's been married to your father and your brother... she's sick!"

So say you, Ashley Abbott, but didn't you steal your ex's sperm to give birth to the spawn of The Great Victor Newman (TGVN)?! That's pretty sick in itself, no? And didn't Ridge tongue Brooke's daughter? Isn't that sick? Ah, well, they're all pretty sick on The Bold and the Beautiful, and soon I'm going to start blogging about their antics, which - by the way - I'm addicted to.

Watch this space.