Behind-the-scenes at Phoebe's death.

Confirmation that Rick will be involved in Phoebe's upcoming car crash death.

What they might have said:

"Marcus is Donna's son."

So, what did Phoebe do when she overheard (the nosey wench!) that Marcus was Donna’s son? She went running to daddy, which in turn led to the bratty Forrester siblings plotting to reveal all to Eric. Ridge was smug as ever: "oh, trust me, there will be a shipment to Texas today. Maybe two of 'em." Lord above, could he be any more of a pompous slimeball?!

Ridge, Felicia and Thorne met up to throw their toys out of the pram together. At least Thorne had a point about "his experience with Donna." Remember when she was in bed with a drunken Thorne, all the while looking at a photo of Stephanie and vowing revenge?! That was almost as scary as watching her crawl across the floor on all fours (dressed as a cat) purring for Eric. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

An awards show B&B can clean up at.

Following last week's prestigious awards ceremony here at Taylor - you're alive! I thought I'd roll out the red carpet again and hand over a few more gongs. Without further delay, here are this week's winners...

Snark of the week: Felicia! The evidence:
Thorne: "Behind every great design..."
Felicia: "Is a home-wrecking slut with zero talent in the fashion business."
Ouch. Felicia really is Stephanie’s daughter. What a bitch. Remember that Donna is your step-momma now, Felicia.

Snark of the week #2: Lil' Miss Steffy:
Steffy: "What are you doing down here in shipping?"
Phoebe: "Were you expecting Marcus?"
Steffy: "Careful. Somebody might pack you up and ship you."

Understatement of the week:
Katie telling Nick he "should focus on Bridget." Gee, you think, Katie? Shut up and move out already.

Backbone of the week:
Steffy quite rightly saying, "giving a baby up for adoption is neither a scandal or a crime."

Surprisingly sweet moment of the week:
Eric was actually kind of sweet when he was talking to Donna and Marcus, he wasn’t swayed by his bratty kiddies. Bratty kiddies, that is, who are all over 40 (and doesn’t Lesli Kay look fantastic for it?).

Upfront (so to speak) Logan of the week:
I'm so, so glad that Donna brought up her marriage to Eric as soon as she was alone with Ma Logan. But, would Donna's idea of having a "family get-together" at her and Eric’s house be a good way to reconnect? Wouldn't it remind Beth that two of her daughters have married her ex?! Maybe they can get out the wedding albums and reminisce. Remember that time I hooked up with Eric, mom? I married him a few times, you know. Then Donna did. Oh, mom, if only you’d been here when I got pregnant by my daughter’s husband. Mom, you’d-a been proud!

Administrator of the week:
Marcus, for impressing Eric with his "revised system". Go, admin boy, go! Log those shipments and blow old Honey Bear’s mind.

Shocker of the week:
Beth: "Your mother doesn't exist. She's gone… I've had a stroke, a series of them. My memories are slipping away. They think it might be the onset of dementia."
Woah, I didn’t see that one coming at all. Where is this headed? I’m intrigued.

It being awards week, I thought B&B deserved a few...

Devious troll of the week:
Felicia, for rifling through Marcus's bag. And where does she get off bitching about Donna constantly when Felicia herself shows up at work dressed like a streetwalker?!

Sanctimonious Forrester of the week:
Steffy. Damn, I was liking her too. She had to go and say, "I know for a fact [Donna]'s bad for the company." Honey, you don't know shit. Especially when you refer to your twin Feeble Phoebe as "the pretty one." Puh-lease. Buy a mirror. Then get off your high horse when it comes to Donna. Did you not see your Poppa parading her around on TV when it suited him. He didn't mind her lap dancing, uh... modelling, before. And I guess that makes Ridge the runner up in this category.

Set of the week:
Well, it's not the new Forrester gym. I was enjoying the new set till I had the "thrill" of watching Ridge and Brooke snog. Then I had to run to the loo to throw up. This week's winner: The Bikini Bar, last seen during Thorne's mercifully brief drinking phase.

Logan return of the week:
Beth! Does she have a secret? Why the hell didn't she show up before? Hmm, I'm intrigued. Runner up: Stephen; now that was a nice surprise. And in Paris, no less. Lucky Brooke wasn't there to fall off the Eiffel Tower again.

What might have happened (but really didn't):

Identical twins looking rather dissimilar.

I'm going to forgive TPTB for bringing back Steffy as an identical twin who looks nothing like her twin anymore. This new actress rocks, plus she looks like her on-screen parents. Mackenzie Mauzy (Phoebe) playing dual roles would've made me retch, so I thank them for sparing us that.

Signs so far are pointing to Steffie being a snotty little madam, sneering about Brooke chasing Ridge "since dinosaurs roamed the earth." Even better was her assessment of their relationship: "you can tell she's sincere by the way she keeps marrying everybody else in the family." Ouch!

Then she told Taylor to "walk on the wild side" as far as Rick is concerned. Yay - a bolshy heiress with an attitude! Did she even say she wants to start at the bottom working at Forrester?

She's way more interesting than Phoebe and her dumbass whining. I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about last summer's interminable Boldface Challenge "sing off" storyline and (please never let him come back) Constantine. Ugh - that hair! Those stares! His all-around creepiness! If this is the new teen scene, it should be a helluva lot better than last year's shambles of a youth-oriented storyline. Oh, and Marcus asking Steffy, "do their birth certificates actually say 'Thorne' and 'Ridge'?" Those two had some good banter. Maybe I can stomach watching the young 'uns this summer and won't have to resort to beating the television with my Sheila Carter photo album.

Brooke:"... a very sick relationship..."

Gee, your son's gonna be thrilled how you view him and Taylor. You've never screwed your daughter's boyfriend? Oh, right, it was your daughter's husband, I forgot.

Taylor was right on the money when she said to Rick, "with you it's just me." Her last two husbands have both worshipped at the altar of Saint Brooke, Patron Saint of Sluts from the Valley.

So, Taylor handed back Rick the engagement ring, determined not to hurt her daughter. The day after that Rick says, "Taylor, marry me." And Feeble Phoebe has given her blessing - what's it gonna be? What's up, Doc?"

PS Sorry for the Brooke bashing (I love her more than chocolate cake), but she's pissing me off.

I love me some Brooke…

… but, isn’t she being a tad hypocritical?! Why the outcry over Taylor getting some from Brooke’s son Rick? He’s, like, 30. He can do what he wants. He split up with Phoebe ages ago.

Didn’t Brooke go one step further than Taylor by bedding her own daughter’s husband and having his child? Why exactly is Taylor such bad news for Rick? Phoebe will get over it, just like Bridget got over Brooke’s betrayal, only that was way worse:

- Phoebe wasn’t even with Rick when her mother (Taylor) and he decided to smooch
- Brooke, on the other hand, took her daughter’s husband to bed (several times!) and got pregnant with his child

What’s that old phrase about a pot and a kettle?! Brooke is still my fave, but really… she needs to zip it. By that, I mean her mouth (though there are many occasions she should’ve kept her pants zipped too).

"Mother, what are you doing?"

Phoebe, honey, she’s feeling up your ex. I think they call it second base. Didn't you learn anything at your fancy European school? They’re on mommy's bed and Rick's ready to play hide the sausage.

Shame that MacKenzie Mauzy doesn’t have a smidgen more attitude as Phoebe – it could’ve rocked if she’d totally wigged out on Rick and Taylor. As it is, her snivelling and dribbling isn’t really cutting the mustard. She seems bratty and I don’t much care if she’s upset. So, Taylor has to dump Rick to get the snivelling one’s approval?! Oh, Phoebe, shut up and go play with your Barbie. Momma needs some lovin' too.

Ex-boyfriend and mommy gettin’ jiggy wi’ it.

Urgh. Much as I hate to see Phoebe on the show (sorry, that’s mean, but ever since that Constantine drivel I cannot stand to watch her), it made for great soap to have her walk in on Taylor and Rick. Ooops, her ex is in bed (um, not having sex, but whatever) with her mother! I hope she’s got the screen presence to convincingly let rip on them both. C’mon, bring it, MacKenzie Mauzy – show us there’s more to your repertoire than duetting with a creepy zombie and getting makeovers.

Woah! Taylor and Rick showed up at the wedding.

And what the f^ck was going on with her hair?! I'm getting old myself, so I understand Taylor's motivation, but she just looked so hi Rick, wanna go to the prom with me?

Gotta love Brooke going apeshit on her too: "on the terrace, now!" True, though, Phoebe will go mental when she hears.

The C Word.

Yes, it’s offensive. Yes, it made me heave. It’s a word that should never be featured on B&B ever again: CONSTANTINE. Sweet baby Jesus, wasn’t last summer torture enough?! When Phoebe said she’d been invited to tour with Constantine my heart skipped a beat. I thought they were bringing back the straggly haired fool. Thankfully, it looks like the Phoebe and Constantine show will happen off-screen. Result!