It was Owen!

Or was it?! Owen 'fessed up:

Brooke was blindsided. Donna felt shocked and betrayed. Lieutenant Baker was daydreaming about hot dogs:

Despite his confession, we pretty much know that Owen didn't poison Eric - he only said that to protect Donna, who he wants to be with. You know, in a special way. So, who did poison Honeybear? In a delightfully campy montage, we were presented with the suspects. My money's on that crazy fruitloop Pam:

1. Jackie: No! She had a thang for Eric. Unless she's suddenly gone postal, it seems ludicrous that she'd poison the old goat.

2. Beth: I don't think so. Yes, Eric's been a Man-Ho bedding two of her daughters, but Beth doesn't appear to get too upset about any of it. Hell, she barely batted an eyelid when her daughter told Beth she was pregnant with Beth's granddaughter's husband's baby.

3. Brooke: puh-lease. No way.

4. Ridge: Um, no.

5. Stephanie: Come off it. No matter what he's done, she wouldn't try to kill her ex.

6. Donna: Not even Donna's dumb enough to leave potassium in her pant drawer. It was a set up!

7. Stephen: Okay, maybe. He did look awfully pissed off reminiscing about Eric's shenanigans with his ex-wife and daughters. It's possible he finally cracked...

8. Marcus: Possibly, if he's not actually Donna's son. It could all be a scam to get his mitts on the readies. I doubt it though.

9. Owen: He's protecting Donna, c'mon, it ain't him.

10. Felicia: This is the woman who cried when "daddy" broke up his dysfunctional marriage to Stephanie. She has too much invested in trying to reunite her parents. I could buy her going for Donna, but not daddy.

11. Pam: Not sure of the motive, but I can see the teabag gobbling loon being the culprit. She's off her meds, I swear.

Hair and heir of the week:

Couple-that-isn't-a-couple of the week:

Felicia and Owen, who are generating quite a bit of buzz on the web. Brandon Beemer's bad boy Owen could make some sparks fly with the awesome Lesli Kay's Felicia. Oh, and when Owen said, "Donna's marriage to your father is about to explode," I thought, I guess he's taken his Viagra then.

Puke-worthy "supercouple" of the week:

Brooke and Ridge. Much as I dislike their relationship, I love Brooke and it was great to see her happy (even if it is with the slimiest of slimy toads, Rigid Ridge).

So, they're going to make love every time they see a comet. Where are they going, Mars? "I heard there's a meteor shower," said Brooke. Ugh.

Later, in a meeting with Eric, she said he should hand over Forrester Creations "from one fashion supercouple to another... Ridge and I have a following. People feel like they know us." Okay, that was a nice wink from the writers, but he's still a jerk.

Underwhelming honeymoon of the week:

Nick and Budge. Seriously, they got married in the garden and had the honeymoon upstairs. WTF? I thought Nick had money. They even let Katiekins plan (and officiate) the wedding. Man, they're cheap.

Boinking of the week:

As my friend Andrew said, "Bridget's headflick was rather porno." So true, and all the better for it. After her run of crappy men, she deserves a good boink. Go Bridget - boink him into next week.

Did she really say that Nick "taught her how to think about sex?" What about Deacon?! He gave her some hot lovin'. As did Dante.

Dumbass of the week:

Thorne. As usual, he barely said anything, just looked kind of confused. He did say, "c'mon Marcus, maybe you can show me where shipping is." He's worked there for years (even when he became an international singing sensation along with Macy, if I recall correctly). Aside from that, doesn't he work in distribution? He works in distribution, but doesn't know where shipping is?!
Snark of the week:

Felicia wants pictures of Owen and "the bimbo bitch" AKA Donna.

Tosh of the week:

After all the scandals at Forrester Creations, why does anyone give two hoots about Donna marrying Eric?! Is Brooke really any better - didn't she give birth to her daughter's husband's baby? Isn't that a little more scandalous?

Dementia story of the week:

Beth forgot her cookie recipe. That sucks. I once forgot where I put my cookies and boy did it piss me off.

Heir of the week:

Marcus. Eric praised all his great work, like, um... that time he once changed the way they log shipments, or something.

Best In Show: awards for last week.

Doctor of the week:
Doctor Bridget – Medicine Woman. Want the wrong eggs implanted into your womb? Want heart surgery? Need to regain your lost memories? Dougie Forrester, MD is on the case again.

Compliment of the week:
Brooke (to Beth): "Katie has your smile."
So, who did she inherit the whining from?

WTF moment of the week #1:
The rawk music! The snappy, quick-cut exterior shots! WTF, I thought I was watching the wrong show; I’m not saying I didn’t like it (it was an unexpected burst of energy)… it just came as a shock. A reinvigorated B&B?! I certainly hope so.

WTF moment of the week #2:
The new gym/juice bar/FC outdoor set – is it on the roof of Forrester Creations? Isn’t Forrester Creations a mansion-type building with big ol’ gates and acres of grounds? So how is its roof up in the sky overlooking skyscrapers?! Did I miss something? Seriously, I’ve seen the roof of FC and it is a normal roof. They’d all fall off.

Description of the week:
Marcus: "Kind of a complicated family tree, don't you think?"
Rick: "It's more like a snarl of ingrown branches than a tree. Not even a team of Forresters could figure this one out."

New arrival of the week:
Owen Knight. Welcome aboard the good ship B&B. Let’s hope it doesn’t suffer the same fate as the Shady Marlin #1.

List of the week:
Brooke: "We’ll make a list of ways for mom to get her memory back."
Yeah, Brooke, then you can make a list of ways to keep your knickers on. #1 - I will not straddle my ex. #2 - I will not strip at work.

Douche-bag of the week:
Nick (about Bridget): "…whenever someone says 'epitome of beauty,' this is the reference point."
Oh, so you’re not going to ditch her again? I won’t hold my breath. Why did he keep pushing her after she’d said, "I just don’t think it’s the right time." The jackass.

Fashion disaster of the week:
Katie’s doily dress! Ugh, what was that? She thinks Nick should "bring magic to Bridget’s life," but she’s the one dressed like a fairy – she just needs to put on her wings and sprinkle some fairy-dust.

Romantic speech of the week:
Nick: "You know, Bridget, when you moved in here, you were so self-conscious."
Bridget: (Sighs)
Nick: "It was like you didn't want to step on the old bones of our broken marriage."
Oh, the romance! And isn’t that wrong anyway? Hasn’t Bridget been bolshy before (and since) she moved in – first dissing her mother’s dithering over Nick, and then standing up to Katie?

"First love" of the week:
Katie-kins, who at the ripe old age of 53 has fallen in love for the first time. What?! How old is the tomboy spinster supposed to be? If Brooke is her sister and Bridget is her niece, she must be 40 (and wouldn’t that mean Brooke gave birth at 10?!) My head aches thinking about it, but anyway… Budge seems more mature than her aunt. What has she been doing for the last decade or so? Watching Lakers games and making dresses from doilies?

"Marcus is Donna's son."

So, what did Phoebe do when she overheard (the nosey wench!) that Marcus was Donna’s son? She went running to daddy, which in turn led to the bratty Forrester siblings plotting to reveal all to Eric. Ridge was smug as ever: "oh, trust me, there will be a shipment to Texas today. Maybe two of 'em." Lord above, could he be any more of a pompous slimeball?!

Ridge, Felicia and Thorne met up to throw their toys out of the pram together. At least Thorne had a point about "his experience with Donna." Remember when she was in bed with a drunken Thorne, all the while looking at a photo of Stephanie and vowing revenge?! That was almost as scary as watching her crawl across the floor on all fours (dressed as a cat) purring for Eric. The thought of that still makes me shudder.

An awards show B&B can clean up at.

Following last week's prestigious awards ceremony here at Taylor - you're alive! I thought I'd roll out the red carpet again and hand over a few more gongs. Without further delay, here are this week's winners...

Snark of the week: Felicia! The evidence:
Thorne: "Behind every great design..."
Felicia: "Is a home-wrecking slut with zero talent in the fashion business."
Ouch. Felicia really is Stephanie’s daughter. What a bitch. Remember that Donna is your step-momma now, Felicia.

Snark of the week #2: Lil' Miss Steffy:
Steffy: "What are you doing down here in shipping?"
Phoebe: "Were you expecting Marcus?"
Steffy: "Careful. Somebody might pack you up and ship you."

Understatement of the week:
Katie telling Nick he "should focus on Bridget." Gee, you think, Katie? Shut up and move out already.

Backbone of the week:
Steffy quite rightly saying, "giving a baby up for adoption is neither a scandal or a crime."

Surprisingly sweet moment of the week:
Eric was actually kind of sweet when he was talking to Donna and Marcus, he wasn’t swayed by his bratty kiddies. Bratty kiddies, that is, who are all over 40 (and doesn’t Lesli Kay look fantastic for it?).

Upfront (so to speak) Logan of the week:
I'm so, so glad that Donna brought up her marriage to Eric as soon as she was alone with Ma Logan. But, would Donna's idea of having a "family get-together" at her and Eric’s house be a good way to reconnect? Wouldn't it remind Beth that two of her daughters have married her ex?! Maybe they can get out the wedding albums and reminisce. Remember that time I hooked up with Eric, mom? I married him a few times, you know. Then Donna did. Oh, mom, if only you’d been here when I got pregnant by my daughter’s husband. Mom, you’d-a been proud!

Administrator of the week:
Marcus, for impressing Eric with his "revised system". Go, admin boy, go! Log those shipments and blow old Honey Bear’s mind.

Shocker of the week:
Beth: "Your mother doesn't exist. She's gone… I've had a stroke, a series of them. My memories are slipping away. They think it might be the onset of dementia."
Woah, I didn’t see that one coming at all. Where is this headed? I’m intrigued.

Marcus gets a job.

Wasn't that the worst job interview ever? Ever ever ever? He admitted to not knowing what job he wanted, barely said a word and let secret-momma-Donna do some of the talking for him. Man, if the job interviews I've been to were as easy as that I'd be a lot more successful in my career. Does anyone have the number for Human Resources over at Forrester Creations?

"This whole family sounds very messed up to me."

So true, Marcus. So true.

On a related note, Felicia needs to stop calling Eric "daddy". C'mon, lady, you gotta be 35.

Donna & son.

This storyline could have legs. There is some resemblance and Jennifer Gareis's acting has impressed me. If someone had told me back when she was sucking face with Ridge (those were excruciating scenes) that she'd be this good now, I would've said no sirree, she needs to be off this show PRONTO. Storylines about the death of her brother, or connecting with the child she gave away at birth? That would've seemed like Chinese water torture, but she's doing a good job. Gosh darn, I'm enjoying it.

Daytime drama all too soon writes characters into corners and ends up killing them or turning them into psychopaths. In this case, it's been an unexpected pleasure to watch JG's Donna grow. Shame we didn't get the same chance with William de Vry's Storm (fantastic though his exit story was - well, not so much the story, but the aftermath).

One other thing, when Donna said, "do you mind if I borrow your office?" Why didn't Eric say, "of course, it's the only Forrester Creations set we have, aside from the corridor where the receptionist sits." Okay, Donna got locked in the steam room once, but where does everybody else work?!

Hired help or long-lost son?

"If you're not with the caterers then who are you?" Oh, Donna, don't you recognise him? It's only been a few decades (actually - how old is Marcus supposed to be? Apparently, the actor is 31, but whatever...)

"Are you my mother?" Are you Donna, are you?!