Confirmation he won't be walking down the aisle (or anywhere anytime soon).

It didn't look too good for Rick after his fall from the Forrester Creations rooftop.
His sister, Dougie Forrester MD, was on the case. This is serious Bridget... hell, she's wearing glasses, she must mean business. Just the other month she googled a cure for her heart-transplant aunt, who was up shit creek (i.e. terminal). Before that, she stuck her mommy's eggs in Taylor by mistake, but whatever, we can't all be 100% perfect, can we?

"Riiiiiick, Riiiiick."
Okay, that woke him up. But, things weren't so great...
... oh my God he can't feel his legs! He's paralysed (for about two weeks, I'd guess).
"Oh, geez Louise, just what I needed."

New blog entry on the official B&B site.

I've just posted a new blog entry over on the official site:

What next for Bridget?

I'm also going to be posting about B&B over at the excellent Daytime Confidential. Click on "B&B" on the DC website for all the latest B&B scoop.

What the hell?! Part two.

Another what the hell moment: how many people on this show have "comfort" sex. Dear Lord, it's astonishing. Spending time with your partner's terminal aunt? Boink her, it'll make her feel better. Husband in a coma? Roll around on his bed with someone else.
________________________________________________

What the hell was Katie doing sitting there stitching her needlecraft with a smug look on her face.

Oh, I hate her. No, Bridget, of course I haven't seen Nick, we can barely even look at each other. So, that's why you ran right over to his house and got nekkid is it, Katie? It's not the skankyness I can't stand (I love my skanks), it's the hypocritical, sanctimonious Pity-Me Katie BS I can't stand. ________________________________________________

What the hell? I've always been a Bridget fan (yeah, shoot me). But, hell, is Ashley Jones coming into her own, or what? That girl is knocking it out of park on a daily basis at the moment. Go, Budge!
_________________________________________________

What the hell? Ridge fell in love with Brooke the first moment he laid eyes on her? Oh, Ridgiepoo, that is horsesh!t. Remember Caroline? Remember you committed to her and didn't give Brooke a second thought? Remember after Caroline died you proclaimed Taylor was the one? Remember that, Ridge?! Apparently not. Ugh, he's a jackass.

Hi, Katie. Thrilled to hear your dying wish was to screw my husband.

Oh dear, who's that coming down the stairs?

I don't think Bridget is in the mood to feel your bump, Katie.
Bitchface #1:
Bitchface #2:
"Poor, poor pitiful me" face:

Katie: "Nick and I crossed a line we never should have crossed. "

Bridget: "When exactly did you realize that, Katie? Was it right after you had sex on the island, or was it when you came back from Catalina and you saw how concerned I was for you? Or was it at your little prom night when you danced the night away while I stayed up all night searching on a computer trying to find a way to save your life? Or was it on my wedding day that you realized, 'Oh, maybe I shouldn't have slept with her husband'? Oh, no, wait. I've got it. It's when you found out you were pregnant. That's when you realized you had crossed a line when you couldn't hide it from me anymore." Who could show up to make things worse? Nicky boy!

Budge did herself proud and took off her wedding ring. She ditched the Man-Ho. Shame she didn't give him the number for a good hairdresser.Bridget: "I was the best thing that ever happened to you. No one will ever love you like I do. But clearly, it's not enough. Here, you want him? Take him." Ha! Katiekins caught the ring and Bridget left the pair of fools standing there speechless. Like she said, he should've kept his pants on.

Katie reminisces, Bridget cracks...

Katie was hanging out with a bag of pistachios, remembering her magical connection to Nick. Let's see, there was the time she did a puzzle at his house, the time they played mini-hoops, the time he recreated her prom. Oh, and the time he sexed her up when she thought she was dying. The memories! Never mind that Captain Man-Ho was banging her niece at the time, it still gave Katiekins a cheeky little grin:
Ugh.

"That time he was chucking nuts in his gob, that was so special." Across town, on the Shady Marlin, Nick was letting his new wife know that he'd slept with her aunt.

Bridget: "So you're telling me that you had sex with Katie?"
Nick: "Yes."

I kinda figured that might piss her off.

Bridget: "Well, how the hell does her happiness involve sex? Huh? Wow, you must have felt really, really, really important giving that dying lady one last roll in the hay, huh?"

"I can't believe that I have been so naive to think that my aunt and the man that I love and am married to might actually have a little bit of respect for me."

"Do you remember what it did to me when you left me for my mother?"

"... you should have kept your pants on."

Go, Budge! Nick was just "playing a role" and why should that come between them?! He was giving Katie a bit of what she fancied before she kicked the bucket, that was all.

Ah, of course. So, Bridget shouldn't worry you ran off to boink her own mother when your first marriage fell apart? She shouldn't worry that after marrying and breaking up with her mother, you ended up chasing (then marrying) Taylor? She shouldn't worry that when you finally turned your attention back to Bridget (and she'd moved into your house) you banged her aunt? What's that you say, Nicky boy?

Nick: "Bridget... she's pregnant. She's pregnant, and it's my child." Well, that's great, isn't it Bridget?
Bridget: "Marriage is between two people, Nick, not three plus a love child with another woman."

Nick: "Don't forget about Jack, your stepson. That boy loves you."

Stepson, yes. Biological half-brother too. It's all too much!

Things to do...

Sickening couple declare their love.

Katie and Nick's "relationship", such as it is: first, Pity-Me Katie eats pistachios with Nick, then they burp. Gee, what a connection. They even drink some scotch. Then she gets shot, has a heart transplant (her dead brother's heart) and Nick comforts her as her condition worsens. Oh, and gives her a fake prom. Whatever.

So, I looked it up in the dictionary. Comfort = having sex on a beach with a supposedly terminal person. Now Nick's telling a pregnant (and not dying) Katiekins, "my prayer was that before you died, you'd know how I felt... I love you." But didn't he just marry her niece? Nick, didn't you say some vows or something? Keep it zipped, Man-Ho!

He says he and Katie spent "a magical moment" [puke] and shared the "deepest, most honest form of love" [puuuuuuke]. Magical? Deep? HONEST?! Honest, as in they both screwed over her niece/his bride-to-be? And then vowed to lie to Bridget about it until they find out if the baby will be okay. So, what if the baby isn't okay? Will Nick stay with Bridget and keep schtum? This is revolting...

Bridget has now had both her husbands impregnate her family members. When does she get a break?! This is wrong. Bridget sure won't think Katie's crush on Nick is "cute" when she finds out about the special kind of comfort Katie received on Catalina. That half-dead tramp.

Hearing voices, seeing a ghost and being chased by a seamonster.

Yes, I did just type that.

So, we have Ridge hearing voices from beyond (Eric in his coma), Katie seeing her dead brother's ghost and then imagining him turning into a seamonster. A seamonster. A seamonster that looks like The frikkin' Joker. What. The. F^ck?

This was intercut with shots of Bridget reading ancient monk's letters (or something) about "dark" and "light" to Brooke and pondering the deeper meaning of life/love... oh, because, um, Brooke and Bridget often bond over scriptures whilst Katie imagines seamonsters are going to eat her. Typical day, yeah???????? Kay Alden (or whoever is writing this tosh), I know I congratulated you the other week, but that is no reason to celebrate with drugs. Put down the crack pipe. Stop this madness.

Anyway, lovely to see Bridget get some lovin' (shame he's old enough to be her father and has a habit of porking her mother, but whatever... in B&B terms, these days it passes for romance):

Kind of took a turn for the worse when Katie discovered she was carrying Nick's child though. Yes, she'd been porked too. By Nick. Offscreen, on Catalina, when Pity-Me Katie (Tickle Me Elmo for depressives) thought she was dying. Look at the shock on her face:

Woman has sex, gets pregnant. I thought she was smart? Maybe when she didn't die, she might have taken a pregnancy test? Yeah, I know she was ill, but that didn't stop her roll in the sand with Nick, did it? Way to go, Katie, get preggers by your niece/BFF's husband. Troll.

She told Nick. It was a very serious moment.
Then she saw her dead brother:

He beckoned her into the water. He then turned into (The Joker AKA) a seamonster and tried to catch her (or some silly sh!t), and then Katie realised she was daydreaming. God, I wish I'd been daydreaming instead of watching that. Too too weird. I only tuned in for some romance, boardroom intrigue and maybe a fashion show. NOT A FRIKKIN' SEAMONSTER!

The end result? Katie and Nick are going to lie to Bridget until the last possible moment and they consider her pregnancy "a miracle". Great, how romantic. The pair of them are sickening right now. Yeah, Nick, despite letting Bridget down again and again, it seemed like a good idea to get down to it with her aunt right before marrying Bridget, did it? Oh, Katie was dying? That's okay, then - most people shag their dying in-laws to cheer them up. Her pregnancy "has to be happening for a reason" does it? It's "meant to be," is it? My ass it is. Go on, have a hug, you pair of sickos:

Hair and heir of the week:

Couple-that-isn't-a-couple of the week:

Felicia and Owen, who are generating quite a bit of buzz on the web. Brandon Beemer's bad boy Owen could make some sparks fly with the awesome Lesli Kay's Felicia. Oh, and when Owen said, "Donna's marriage to your father is about to explode," I thought, I guess he's taken his Viagra then.

Puke-worthy "supercouple" of the week:

Brooke and Ridge. Much as I dislike their relationship, I love Brooke and it was great to see her happy (even if it is with the slimiest of slimy toads, Rigid Ridge).

So, they're going to make love every time they see a comet. Where are they going, Mars? "I heard there's a meteor shower," said Brooke. Ugh.

Later, in a meeting with Eric, she said he should hand over Forrester Creations "from one fashion supercouple to another... Ridge and I have a following. People feel like they know us." Okay, that was a nice wink from the writers, but he's still a jerk.

Underwhelming honeymoon of the week:

Nick and Budge. Seriously, they got married in the garden and had the honeymoon upstairs. WTF? I thought Nick had money. They even let Katiekins plan (and officiate) the wedding. Man, they're cheap.

Boinking of the week:

As my friend Andrew said, "Bridget's headflick was rather porno." So true, and all the better for it. After her run of crappy men, she deserves a good boink. Go Bridget - boink him into next week.

Did she really say that Nick "taught her how to think about sex?" What about Deacon?! He gave her some hot lovin'. As did Dante.

Dumbass of the week:

Thorne. As usual, he barely said anything, just looked kind of confused. He did say, "c'mon Marcus, maybe you can show me where shipping is." He's worked there for years (even when he became an international singing sensation along with Macy, if I recall correctly). Aside from that, doesn't he work in distribution? He works in distribution, but doesn't know where shipping is?!
Snark of the week:

Felicia wants pictures of Owen and "the bimbo bitch" AKA Donna.

Tosh of the week:

After all the scandals at Forrester Creations, why does anyone give two hoots about Donna marrying Eric?! Is Brooke really any better - didn't she give birth to her daughter's husband's baby? Isn't that a little more scandalous?

Dementia story of the week:

Beth forgot her cookie recipe. That sucks. I once forgot where I put my cookies and boy did it piss me off.

Heir of the week:

Marcus. Eric praised all his great work, like, um... that time he once changed the way they log shipments, or something.

Hitched.

Who did you want to beat around the head with the wedding bouquet?

I just want to say...

Daughters marry their mother's ex-husbands. Fact.

Meddling Mother of the week:
Jackie, you really need to keep your nose out of Nick's business. All she ever seems to do these days is pimp out alternate Logan sisters for her 79 year old son.

Hot bedroom scene of the week:
Taylor and Rick! Those two were getting jiggy wi' it and showing Brooke a thing or two in the bedroom department. Taylor deserves some hot lovin' after Nick treated her like a doormat.
WTF moment of the week #1:
Donna called it like it was - WTF was Katie doing planning Budge's wedding? Which leads to...

Wedding planner of the week:
Katiekins. J.Lo's got nothing on her. How quick did she sort that out? Not so half-dead anymore, is she? And then she was deputised as a Justice of the Peace? She's a Jack of all trades, old Katiekins.

WTF moment of the week #2:
Oh my gosh, thought Donna, I just threw a frisbee over in the bushes and when I went to fetch it I discovered a hot guy in the undergrowth. I'll invite him to the party. Like, ohmigod, awesome!

WTF moment of the week #3:
Why is Beth so calm about another of her daughters marrying her ex?! Surely she'd be a bit more what is wrong with you crazy bitches?

Bizarre scene with a half-naked man smoking a cigar of the week:
Nick. No further comments.

Back-tracker of the week:
Brooke: "I just want to see you happy."
Yeah, Brooke, like when you jumped straight into bed with Nick after Bridget lost her baby? Or, like the time you banged (and banged AND BANGED) her first husband? I love Brooke the most, but what a hypocrite. Mother of the Year, fersure!

Skank of the week:
Donna encouraging Katie to snag Nick for herself. Nice way to treat your niece, Donna. Frikkin' trampy ho-bag.

Schizo of the week:
Pam, the lovable loony, organising miniature hot tamales for Bridget and Nick's engagement party. "You are what you eat!"

Interruption of the week:
Katie: "I can't, um - (sniffles) this is wrong. I-I-it's not right. It - you all seem to think you know how I feel about these two, but I don't think I really knew until I was standing up here in front of them, watching them commit their lives to each other. There's something I need to say. This wedding can't go on until you know how I really feel."
Bitch, put a sock in it - now is not the time.

What could possibly go wrong?

Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get ma-a-arried!

Katie was thrilled to hear Bridget's news:

Jackie could barely contain her glee:
Nick gave Katie a warm welcome as maid of honour:

Oh, happy day:

Best In Show: awards for last week.

Doctor of the week:
Doctor Bridget – Medicine Woman. Want the wrong eggs implanted into your womb? Want heart surgery? Need to regain your lost memories? Dougie Forrester, MD is on the case again.

Compliment of the week:
Brooke (to Beth): "Katie has your smile."
So, who did she inherit the whining from?

WTF moment of the week #1:
The rawk music! The snappy, quick-cut exterior shots! WTF, I thought I was watching the wrong show; I’m not saying I didn’t like it (it was an unexpected burst of energy)… it just came as a shock. A reinvigorated B&B?! I certainly hope so.

WTF moment of the week #2:
The new gym/juice bar/FC outdoor set – is it on the roof of Forrester Creations? Isn’t Forrester Creations a mansion-type building with big ol’ gates and acres of grounds? So how is its roof up in the sky overlooking skyscrapers?! Did I miss something? Seriously, I’ve seen the roof of FC and it is a normal roof. They’d all fall off.

Description of the week:
Marcus: "Kind of a complicated family tree, don't you think?"
Rick: "It's more like a snarl of ingrown branches than a tree. Not even a team of Forresters could figure this one out."

New arrival of the week:
Owen Knight. Welcome aboard the good ship B&B. Let’s hope it doesn’t suffer the same fate as the Shady Marlin #1.

List of the week:
Brooke: "We’ll make a list of ways for mom to get her memory back."
Yeah, Brooke, then you can make a list of ways to keep your knickers on. #1 - I will not straddle my ex. #2 - I will not strip at work.

Douche-bag of the week:
Nick (about Bridget): "…whenever someone says 'epitome of beauty,' this is the reference point."
Oh, so you’re not going to ditch her again? I won’t hold my breath. Why did he keep pushing her after she’d said, "I just don’t think it’s the right time." The jackass.

Fashion disaster of the week:
Katie’s doily dress! Ugh, what was that? She thinks Nick should "bring magic to Bridget’s life," but she’s the one dressed like a fairy – she just needs to put on her wings and sprinkle some fairy-dust.

Romantic speech of the week:
Nick: "You know, Bridget, when you moved in here, you were so self-conscious."
Bridget: (Sighs)
Nick: "It was like you didn't want to step on the old bones of our broken marriage."
Oh, the romance! And isn’t that wrong anyway? Hasn’t Bridget been bolshy before (and since) she moved in – first dissing her mother’s dithering over Nick, and then standing up to Katie?

"First love" of the week:
Katie-kins, who at the ripe old age of 53 has fallen in love for the first time. What?! How old is the tomboy spinster supposed to be? If Brooke is her sister and Bridget is her niece, she must be 40 (and wouldn’t that mean Brooke gave birth at 10?!) My head aches thinking about it, but anyway… Budge seems more mature than her aunt. What has she been doing for the last decade or so? Watching Lakers games and making dresses from doilies?

"Bridget is in the picture, mother. It's a good thing. Because if it weren't for her, Katie wouldn't be around."

Guess what? Oh, you guessed it - Katie confessed she loves Nick. Maybe TPTB thought the Katie/Nick love montages (when he's supposed to be with Bridget) didn't drive the message home for viewers.

Katie (poor, poor just escaped death twice Katie) has a conscience (because that'll make us like her after shoving her down our throats for weeks on end?!). She "would never forgive herself" if she ever hurt Bridget. Yeah, yeah Katie, so "someone would end up getting hurt" if she pursued Nick? Then why doesn't she shut the f^ck up about it? Really, why? Oh, because she has to tell Nick she's "never felt like this before." Yeah, that's gonna turn him off. Did Storm shoot her brains out as well as her heart?! If she actually felt what she was saying, she wouldn't be laying all this crap on Nick, would she? I'm in love with you and no-one has ever made me feel like this, but I don't want to hurt Bridget. My ass you don't - you tongued him! Shut up, half-dead zombie tramp. And move out already.

Nick did say "we have a very passionate relationship" about Bridget. And let's face it, we fans have been watching Bridget and her (mostly toxic) relationships onscreen for years and years. Why should I be expected to jump on the Katie Fan Train now she's flavour of the month at B&B headquarters. It doesn't work like that. A big part of being a soap addict is loving the history elements that are woven into stories. When a newbie (the character had been off canvas for eons, and now she's being played by a different actress) like Katie is suddenly front and centre day-in, day-out, it pisses over everything we have been invested and interested in. What's happened to Nick's obsession over becoming a father and raising his boy? Taylor seems to have completely slipped his mind as well. His Brooke-worship has gone. And we're supposed to believe he gives two shits about Budge. With the Katie Show in full swing, every other Nick relationship is brushed under the carpet, and it's all about Katie. Urgh, it's like the days of old on B&B when every woman in L.A. fell at the feet of Ridge. And wasn't he such an adorable jerk?

As the title of this post suggests, Nick did acknowledge that Budge was "in the picture," but it was a back-handed compliment, pretty much stating thank God Bridget saved Katie, rather than I'm in love with Bridget. If he's not, he should just say it. Nick is starting to come off as delusional - one moment he was determined to father a child, any child, and then he was dementedly trying-out mothers for Jack, and now apparently he's obsessed with Katie, and can't stop daydreaming about that time they ate pistachio nuts or when he recreated her prom. Whatever. And just to endear him a little more to the audience, he's chasing after Katie's M.I.A. mother, Beth, because he's Katie's hero blah blah blah. Such a knight in shining armour that he'll screw Bridget over (again). If this madness doesn't stop I will end up detesting Nick and Katie completely, not just their stupid showmance.

Oh my God! How surprising!

Katie made it. Well, colour me shocked. That was the most bleedin' obvious she's-about-to-die-but-look-there's-a-chance-she-just-might-survive storyline ever. Yuck. Now I can look forward to Nick treating Bridget like crap (again) and Nick and Katie "bonding" some more. Oh, and FYI writers - when you've just shoved them down our throats for the last month, I do not need a love montage set to music to remind me.

Budge is just too nice.

Okay, Budge's scenes with the Undead One (Katie) were great, but give the girl more. I'm hoping the hunky new doctor, played by DOOL'S Brandon Beemer, is going to hook up with Bridget. I'm sick of watching her get walked over.

And she shouldn't want to give a sponge bath to her dying aunt (who's just been snogging her boyfriend).

And she shouldn't be saying (to Nick), "I'm through being worried and vulnerable. I love you."

It just looks like Nick is taking her for a fool (again). I'm crossing my fingers Ashley Jones gets a storyline that sees Bridget get what she deserves (and plenty of meaty material - be it romance or crazy drama) sometime soon.

Overkill.

This is all a bit much.

Sure, Katie's "dying", but Budge is upstairs (almost in mourning) and Nick is getting ready to stick his tongue in Katie's mouth?! Urgh. I have years invested in Bridget's emotions, don't frikkin' use her as a sacrificial lamb again and again for the benefit of other characters.

Ashley Jones is a versatile, subtle and emotional actress; I think she has what it takes to be the next generation's Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke). Honestly, I think TPTB just need to write for her and they will be onto a winner. We - the viewers - have a long relationship with her, we'd love to see her go ape-shit (she has good reason to do so) or go schizo... anything, just give her the material to work with. Please.

Dougie Forrester, M.D.

Was Bridget really looking up cures for terminal Katie on the internet?! She's a trained doctor, shouldn't she be consulting colleagues (not buying aromatherapy off eBay)?